


no fear (one fear)

by mikararinna



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Bonding, Family Feels, Fluff, Gen, Shownu-centric, the boys being soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-02-29 17:11:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18782578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikararinna/pseuds/mikararinna
Summary: Hyunwoo always thought that there was nothing he feared in life. But like every other human walking the face of the earth, he did have a fear of his own.





	no fear (one fear)

Hyunwoo was merely a man. He wasn't special in anyway, didn't even think of himself as special. He was born on the 18th of June in 1992. He was the only child in his family. He was raised by his two loving parent and he lived with his grandmother. They were a happy family. They weren't rich but they didn't live in poverty, so to Hyunwoo, that was good enough.

He grew up fairly well. He wasn't the top in his grade but he was quite smart. He used to practice swimming, even winning in a few competitions. A lot of people as well as his coach and his relatives thought that he would be a professional swimmer in the future. One that went on international competition and practiced for hours. He didn't become a professional swimmer, though he still practiced for hours, some times days.

His first memory of growing up was eating ice cream at an amusement park with his parents. He liked eating, still do. His favourite food was probably his mother's cooking because nothing could ever beat a mother's cooking. He couldn't remember having a lot of friends. Probably one or two that he was close with since young but not more than his fingers could count. While most children who grew into their adolescence stage turn up being quirky and friendly, Hyunwoo was more shy and awkward. Back then people had call him a robot. One, because he rarely smile and mostly had this stoic expression on his face. Two, because he didn't fear anything that came his way.

Hyunwoo couldn't remember a time where he was afraid of something. Fear was the least concerning thing in his dictionary. Heights? He could do that. Ghosts? He would walk by. Blood? Just another red substance. Fear? Not really Hyunwoo's thing. That was how he grew into the Son Hyunwoo of today. The Shownu on stage that everyone knew of, the leader of Monsta X.

Even if he _did_ have a fear. One that he was unaware of and probably couldn't be called a fear was that the fear of becoming a leader. The fear to lead a group of people. The fear to succeed.

Hyunwoo never thought of himself as a leader. Not before No Mercy, not during, especially not after. Mostly because he thought he wasn't a great leader. He thought he couldn't lead well. And when he lead a group in No Mercy which ended up failing, Hyunwoo knew he wasn't suited for the title. After the final line-up had been announced in the last episode, Hyunwoo always, _always_ thought that Hoseok would be the leader. Even Hoseok was confident enought that he would be the leader.

Because Hoseok was charismatic. He was - in Hyunwoo's opinion - a natural leader. He was kind and nurturing. The younger ones listened to him well and Hyunwoo knew he would do the same too if Hoseok was the leader. He was a strong presence in the group. The center of attention. He would do well as the leader.

When they came back to the company a week after the last episode, they were called into the meeting room. There were things to discuss, positions to be settled. The first thing they did was clarifying that Hoseok would not be the leader. The company presented their reasons. While Hoseok could lead the group well, he was too emotional. He would be attentive of the group but neglecting himself. It would be a risk to put him upfront as the leader. Too much pressure on him and the least they want was worsening his mental health.

And though Hoseok was agreeing to what they said, Hyunwoo could see the disappointment in his eyes. Hoseok was so excited to be the leader yet he took the reasoning with a grain of salt. When Hyunwoo asked him on his feelings after, Hoseok had said that he saw it coming. He knew his weaknesses and acknowledge it. And although he was sad, he was also glad that the company had prioritize his mental health over everything. All in all, Hoseok thought of it as a good omen.

So Hoseok wouldn't be Monsta X's leader. Probably one of the bigger plot twists in Hyunwoo's life. The next leader candidate was probably Jooheon, Hyunwoo thought to himself. Jooheon, despite haven't officially debuted yet had already made a name for himself. He was well-known and more improtantly, well-received. People knew him, adore him and he was the first to join Monsta X. It was the better choice.

Hyunwoo guessed the biggest plot twist was Manager Hongsik announcing him as the leader.

 _But why him?_ Hyunwoo had blurt out as the other members clapped and congratulate him. They seemed to take the news well. Maybe a bit too well. How could they trust him to lead a group? How could they trust him to lead them? Did they not watch that episode where he lead his group and failed? Did they not fear he would be a bad leader?

 _We have our reasons._ One of the heads had said. And that was it. That was the only thing they said to him. They have their reasons but _what_ were their reasons? Hyunwoo didn't know. And in his biodata, at the very last column, he added a new sentence.

_Fear: being a leader._

 

 

"Hoseok-ah," Hyunwoo called out to the other male. Hoseok had turn to look at him. He looked relaxed, sated even. He looked relieved.

"What is it Hyunwoo?" Hoseok had asked him.

"I'm sorry." was the only words Hyunwoo managed to utter. "I'm sorry. I knew you wanted the leader position. I don't know why they chose me. I'm sure they made a mistake. I could ask them to change it again, to make you the leader. You'll be the better leader, Hoseok, I'm sure. This was a mistake."

Hoseok merely smile. He was too kind, Hyunwoo thought. Even after getting the leader title robbed away from him, he could still smile. He should be the leader. Hyunwoo knew of this.

"Hyunwoo-ah it's okay." Hoseok had said, gently. "I'm sad, a little, yeah but I'm also glad. The company knows what they're doing. They're making the right choices. I'm glad they choose you."

"But why me? What is the reason they choose me? Why not Jooheon or Kihyun? Why not the others?" Hyunwoo asked. He was desperate for answers. He wanted an answer.

"The company choose you as the leader and they have a good reason to do so. I believe I know their reason. It's a good reason." Hoseok told him.

"So tell me." Hyunwoo pleaded.

Hoseok smiled. "Maybe next time. When you could see it yourself. You'll do great Hyunwoo. You'll do better than I will ever be."

Hyunwoo and Hoseok had been training together for as long as he could remember. Almost debuted together before getting put into No Mercy. If there was anyone he was close with, it would be Hoseok. And if there was anyone he trusted, it was, without a doubt, Hoseok. But Hyunwoo couldn't help but feel doubtful of Hoseok words. He would never be a better leader than how he imagine Hoseok would ever be.

 

 

Two months into debut, Hyunwoo was offically dubbed the dad. He couldn't remember having six grown up males as children. Heck, he couldn't even remember getting married nor having a wife. Suddenly, he was a dad.

The one who called him dad so often was Jooheon, followed by Minhyuk. But Hyunwoo could understand their teasing. Minhyuk and Jooheon were already dubbed the playful duo. If they were playing family, Minhyuk and Jooheon would be the mischievious twin, always having something up their sleeves. The others didn't call him dad as much, only once in awhile, when they felt like teasing him. But anything was fine with Hyunwoo. The lesser they call him dad, the least embarassed he would feel.

"Hey dad," Unconsciously, Hyunwoo raised up his head to look at Jooheon. He would argue that it was reflex. That Jooheon called him dad so many times it already became a natural thing for Hyunwoo to respond to his call. But Hyunwoo knew all arguments weren't up to him, especially when Jooheon looked at him with a glint in his eyes and his lips curled up into a smirk.

"What is it?" Hyunwoo asked him, putting all upcoming arguments to rest.

Jooheon didn't mind as he brightened up when he finally got Hyunwoo's attention. "Could you listen to this track and see if I could fix anything?" he asked, signalling to his laptop where he was working on some song.

Hyunwoo stood up from where he was laying on the hotel bedroom and walked over to Jooheon. He took the headphones the younger one handed to him. Jooheon pressed the play button and Hyunwoo let himself get absorbed in the song. He bobbed his head at certain places, humming under his breath when he finally got the hang of the beat. When the music came to an end, Jooheon looked at him expectantly.

"How is it?" Jooheon asked, eyes bright.

"It was good, Jooheon-ah." He said and ruffled the younger's hair. It was a natural thing to do. Jooheon loved the attention and it was the least Hyunwoo could provide. "There were some parts that sound empty though. I think if you add a few extra beats here and there it would be good."

Jooheon nodded his head at this. Hyunwoo didn't know much about making music but he thought he could give Jooheon a little of his opinions. "Thanks hyung. I think I know what you mean. This is just an early draft, I'll work on it a little more." the younger replied.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Hyunwoo blurted out. They had just arrive in LA for an event tomorrow. It was getting late, almost past midnight. They should be sleeping right now to prepare for tomorrow's concert.

"Oh I'll catch a quick nap before our performance tomorrow. I need to finish this soon." Jooheon had said.

Hyunwoo shook his head. "You need to sleep. You can always finish this later. What's important now is rest so you wouldn't get sick."

Jooheon gave a lot of thought at this. After a few moments, he opened his mouth again. "If I go to bed now, can I cuddle with you dad?" he asked.

"Do I really have a choice? We only have one double bed in here." Hyunwoo replied.

Jooheon grinned but he didn't took Hyunwoo's response in a negative way. He saved the file he was working on and shut down his laptop. "Alright, I'll go to sleep." he said.

Hyunwoo nodded his head and laid back down on the bed. Jooheon had disappeared into the bathroom to wash up. Not long after, Hyunwoo could feel the bed dipping beside him and Jooheon hugging his arm. The younger one snuggled closer to him, resting his head on Hyunwoo's shoulder. It felt slightly restraining, but Jooheon had felt comfortable enough that Hyunwoo didn't bother fixing their position.

"Goodnight Dad," Jooheon had mumbled sleepily, just before they both closed their eyes for the day. And Hyunwoo had mumbled a goodnight back, gentle and warm.

 

 

His first real challenge as the leader was probably when Minhyuk got badly injured. Minhyuk was the group's moodmaker. He was the constant in their team and when things had gone from bad to worse, it was Minhyuk who brighten up the day. When Jooheon was too tired to be an uplifter in the group, those were the times when Minhyuk would step in. Minhyuk was always bursting with energy. He was always positive, always up on his feet. He was the human charger no one knew they needed. If Hyunwoo looked at it now, Minhyuk would have been a better leader than him as well. He could never be as bright as Minhyuk was. Never even as close to him.

But one day during practice, Minhyuk had fall. It was all too sudden, too quick. It took Hyunwoo by surprise. He certainly didn't expect this. Especially when Minhyuk had been bouncing on his feet the entire day. Hoseok and Kihyun was quick enough to call their manager. Hyunwoo had been the one who carried him to the van to be taken to the hospital because Minhyuk couldn't move an inch without his knee searing in pain.

Practice was halted. Everyone was there at the hospital for Minhyuk. Changkyun had been sick months ago and the younger had just recover. Hyunwoo couldn't do much back then and now Minhyuk was injured. He certainly didn't know what to do now.

Minhyuk had see the doctor with their manager. When the manager came out an hour later, Minhyuk wasn't with him. Manager Hongsik said Minhyuk's knee was badly injured. Something about a torn ligament of some sort. Hyunwoo didn't hear much about this, he couldn't focus. The only thing he picked up was Minhyuk had been wheeled to a ward and they would operate him as soon as possible. The soonest being tomorrow.

It was a whirlwind of going in and out of Minhyuk's ward, saying get well soon and tearing up over the other's pain. But Minhyuk had kept a smile on his face like nothing ever physically pained him. Manager Hongsik had ushered everyone out, leaving Hyunwoo alone with Minhyuk. He said that as the leader, Hyunwoo should be the last one to give words of encouragement to Minhyuk.

Again, Hyunwoo would love to argue. Hongsik hyung should have left Minhyuk with Hyungwon, because they were the closest and they could understand each other better. Or maybe Hoseok who was capable at giving comforting words. Heck, even Kihyun could reduce Minhyuk's pain a little as he nagged on how careful Minhyuk should have been. Hyunwoo could do nothing. He was never good with his words.

"I'm sorry I messed up hyung," Minhyuk had said when it was just the two of them. "And during award shows season too. This is the time where we could showcase ourselves to the people. I'm sorry I got injured and screwed up our opportunity as a group."

"You shouldn't be sorry." Hyunwoo had answered firmly. "There's nothing to be sorry for Minhyuk. We're humans, we get injured, we get sick. It's natural. You did nothing wrong. Maybe this is a wake-up call for all of us to be careful and rest well. You should never be sorry for something you have no control of."

Minhyuk eyes casted downwards. Hyunwoo thought he had officially screw up when the younger's shoulders shake. He heard a small hiccup, and then a sob. Soon enough Minhyuk raised his head to look at Hyunwoo and he was crying hard.

"I'm scared, hyung." Minhyuk had said then, voice so soft. This was nothing like the Minhyuk Hyunwoo knew of. Nothing like the vocal sunshine Hyunwoo had been used to.

"I've never been this badly injured. I've never had to go for a surgery. I'm scared hyung. I don't want to drag the group behind. What if I can't dance after this? What if I'm forced to leave Monsta X?" Minhyuk had mumbled through sobs and sniffles.

Hyunwoo had stare at Minhyuk dumbfounded. The last time he saw Minhyuk crying was during the announcement of their final line-up. Minhyuk had always been the cheerful sunshine ever since then. He was always smiling, always bright. Always the Minhyuk everyone came to adore. Hyunwoo sat down on the bed, mindful to not inflict pain on Minhyuk. He remembered putting his hand on top of Minhyuk's own.

"It will never happen Minhyuk. You'll always and forever be a member of Monsta X. You'll go for surgery and you'll return stronger than ever. Nothing you said will ever happen. You're a constant in the group. You're the one who gives us the extra push during hard times. You'll forever be the group's sunshine, Minhyuk. You'll recover and we'll wait for you as long as it takes."

Minhyuk had stop crying back then. He looked calmer, no longer nervous and tense like he had been when he was crying. He looked relaxed and he smiled brightly at Hyunwoo. The bright Minhyuk-smile he always wore. "Thank you, hyung," Minhyuk whispered.

It was then that Hyunwoo realized. That even though he couldn't do well as a leader, he would do anything to protect his group member. So that none of them - not Minhyuk, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Jooheon, Changkyun or Hoseok - to ever break down in front of him like this. To ever feel like they were insignificant to the group. He would protect them.

 

 

Changkyun was a tough nut to crack. They didn't got off on good terms and Hyunwoo's indifferent look had further served as the barrier between them. For the longest time, Hyunwoo thought Changkyun hated him. This was something he was certain of, no lengthy arguments. Changkyun hated him; one, because the younger thought he was doing a bad job at being the leader.

Hyunwoo wouldn't defend himself for this. Changkyun was right. He was doing an _awful_ job as the leader. Mainly because he could never seem to control the others. Hoseok and Kihyun had been the ones who helped him out. And two, because he was the most distant between Changkyun's other five hyungs. Sure they weren't in best terms during No Mercy but that had ended and while everyone was busy preparing, they had also been busy making up to Changkyun.

The youngest had been very kind to forgive each one of them. Hyunwoo hadn't directly apologize to Changkyun. It wasn't that he didn't want to. It was more to he didn't know how to. As everyone could probably see from his biography, he was, _the worst at feelings._

Hyunwoo had came up to Hoseok on a day where everyone were on their own ways. And the first thing he said to Hoseok was, _he hates me._ Hoseok had stared at him cluelessly. He blinked a few times before he opened his mouth in understanding and then, he chuckled.

 _He doesn't, Hyunwoo._ Hoseok had told him. This was three months after they debut. _Three months!_ And Hyunwoo could count the time he interacted with Changkyun both on and off camera. Let Hyunwoo tell you this, it wasn't much. So it was a logical explanation that Changkyun actually hated Hyunwoo.

Unfortunately, this had dragged on to the day Changkyun got injured and went on group hiatus. They talked during their reality show Right Now, yes, but that seemed to increase the awkwardness lingering between them. Hyunwoo had told Manager Hongsik about this. And just like Hoseok, the elder laughed.

_"He doesn't hate you Hyunwoo. Intimidated, might be the right word. Try spending time with him. He's a great kid, you two just got on the wrong foot." Manager Hongsik told him._

So perhaps he tried to talk to Changkyun during the time he was injured and went on group hiatus. The members had visit him as frequent as they could and Hyunwoo had joined them most of the times. Hongsik hyung said he should visit Changkyun on his own. Spend some time between a leader and his maknae. He tried. It was awkward.

He sat on the plastic chair provided inside Changkyun's ward. Their eyes weren't meeting each other. Changkyun was busy fiddling with the invincible thread on his blanket and Hyunwoo was staring right ahead at the window. He couldn't remembered what he said exactly after the few minutes that had passed by. But it must have been something hilarious because he remembered Changkyun giggling before full-on laughing. The younger was holding onto his stomach as he wiped away the tear on the corner of his eyes.

 _You're funny, hyung._ Changkyun had said in between giggles and Hyunwoo felt a wave of relief when he confirmed that Changkyun didn't hate him. Never did actually, just intimated.

By then Changkyun had slowly become closer to Hyunwoo. The elder realized that Changkyun was a kitten trapped inside a grown male's body. The younger had been hard to approach but when he was comfortable enough, he would inch forward towards you. Demanding attention every second and making you fall for his adorable charms. Hyunwoo couldn't say he hated it though. Just a little bit in pain when Changkyun's method of gaining attention gained questions.

"Changkyun, what are you doing?" Hyunwoo asked, nose scrunching up slightly as he tried to focus on signing the goods for Monbebes. Only the problem was he couldn't focus because a certain someone was holding him back.

The younger slapped Hyunwoo's arm a few times. He rubbed on it before he bit into the skin again. "Biting you," Changkyun answered nonchalantly.

"Why?" Hyunwoo wondered.

"You taste good, hyung."

Hyunwoo frowned. "I'm sweating. Have you eaten? You're probably so hungry that you're hallucinating."

Changkyun shook his head. "Nope, I haven't eaten yet." Hyunwoo looked at the younger male and he was smiling brightly. "But I'm hungry. Do you want to eat with me, hyung?" And who was Hyunwoo to say no when the maknae was asking him so cutely?

It was later on when they went to After School Club and the fans were wondering why Changkyun had been biting Hyunwoo - the same question Hyunwoo asked himself everyday - that he finally got the answer.

 _Because I like him, that's why._ Was Changkyun's simple and short answer. Jamie seemed to take the answer well enough, even agreeing to what Changkyun had said. Hyunwoo didn't quite get it so when the show was over he had asked Changkyun again.

"It's just because I like you hyung," Changkyun had answered. The same answer he had given on-screen.

"He's marking his territory. He's a wolf remember?" Minhyuk joked and everyone laughed.

 

 

Hyunwoo didn't have much to worry about with Kihyun. They did have a little misunderstanding during No Mercy but that was quickly discarded after the final episode. Kihyun was a person who stood on his grounds. When the last episode was over, he had went over to Hyunwoo, clapped him on the shoulders and said a _'no hard feelings?'_ to the elder without waiting for an answer. Just like that, they were in good terms.

Kihyun was easy to control. Mostly because he didn't like to be controlled. And he didn't need to be as he did the more controlling. They dubbed him the mom of the group for a reason. It was understandable. Goodness, the man could nag for _days,_ even to Hyunwoo, his hyung.

But it was all good thoughts. One that could bring the group tighter. Because if no one was there to listen to Hyunwoo, Kihyun was there to make them listen. He was thankful for that extra help. Though sometimes it did get too much.

"One day," Kihyun's voice boomed loudly from the kitchen. " _One day!_ Is all I ask from you idiots to keep the dorm clean."

Hyungwon sighed from his position on the couch. "And the nagging commence."

"How is it so hard to keep the dorm clean. Is it _that_ hard? How can all of you live in here knowing it looks like a sewer hole." Kihyun yelled. Hyunwoo winced from where he was standing in their doorway. He just came back from the company and he didn't know what was going on.

"What is going on?" Hyunwoo asked.

"Minhyuk pissed him off." Hyungwon answered as he flipped through the channels. Hyunwoo let out a noise that meant he got it. "Now he's stress-cleaning."

"Isn't he tired though?" They had been practicing late these few days. From doing promotions for their new track to preparing their year-end performances. None of them had gotten much rest.

"I don't know, hyung. But this is Kihyun. Nothing overpowers his need to clean, not even fatigue." Hyungwon said.

Hyunwoo sighed, shaking his head as he walked over to the kitchen. He peeked inside. Kihyun was furiously scrubbing the floor with a mop. The floor looked too wet for Hyunwoo to step in. And Hyunwoo didn't dare to do so either. Afraid that if he did, he might cause more stains. More stains meant a more angry and nagging Kihyun. It was the few boundaries Hyunwoo would gladly not cross.

"Kihyun?" The younger male looked at Hyunwoo, his pink hair sticking out everywhere.

"Yes, hyung?"

"Uh, you good back here?" Hyunwo asked dumbly.

"Yes," Kihyun answered, slightly breathless. "Why?"

Hyunwoo nodded his head. "Just asking," he said. "Are you not tired? I know we had a really late practice last night."

"I am." Kihyun said. "But I have no time for that. The dorm is a mess, if any normal person could see it for themselves. And as the more responsible and sensible person in this group I am here to clean this mess up. Because no one in this household even bother to care. _How_ do you lots even live in this atmosphere?! Do you know that-"

Hyunwoo stepped forward, forgetting all about floor stains and getting Kihyun more riled up. He placed a hand on the younger's shoulder. Immediately, the other quiet down and his body relaxed.

"You should rest." Hyunwoo said, setting no room for arguments. "Take a warm shower then take a nap. We'll order take-out tonight. Don't worry about the dorm. We've lived like this for a few weeks now, what's another day? Take a rest, Kihyun-ah, you can clean this place up tomorrow. I'll help out."

Kihyun relented, sighing hopelessly. "Okay." he replied and wordlessly head to his room.

Kihyun was head strung and stood on his ground most of the time. But he also listened well, probably one of the best ones after Changkyun. So Hyunwoo had no problem to keep him calm. And even if Kihyun nagged more the next day, even scold him for cleaning something wrongly. It was okay. It was all good thoughts.

 

 

Being a leader didn't just revolve around your group or yourself. The company played a big part during it too. As the leader, you were the first to be present during meetings; you were the first to know about a comeback; you were the first to come if there were a scandal revolving your group; you were the first to receive any news. Basically, the management team would notify the leader first and the leader would alert the other members before any official statement were put into action. As a leader, Hyunwoo couldn't count the time he had enter and exit the meeting room with the higher-ups.

They got busier after the release of their 3rd mini album - The Clan Part.1: Lost. Hyunwoo remembered a little of everything that happened during that period of time, a blur of faces and the ringing of various songs he heard while promoting. It started with Fighter and then Beautiful. It wasn't too bad actually. The short gap between the two songs' promotion had gave them a leeway to relax. Maybe the phrase better later than never shouldn't be put into the situation at all.

Hyunwoo should have noticed _something_ , anything really while they were practicing.

They had another comeback before they kickstart their world tour - their first repackaged album, Shine Forever. Hyunwoo should have noticed something. Should have realized how exhausted the members were, switching between practicing for their world tour and preparing for their comeback. Hyunwoo remembered how Hyungwon couldn't even opened his eyes or comprehend the question being interviewed to him. It was a tough time. The company wanted to push them further, especially after the short hiatus they had taken when Changkyun and Minhyuk were injured.

Hyunwoo should have told the company to hold back the comeback till after world tour. He had the power to do so and yet he didn't do it. He should have though, lest, Hyungwon didn't need to suffer from any injury right before world tour thus having him be absent on the USA leg of their tour. Hyunwoo regretted that decision. Still do.

Hyungwon did come back for the later part of their tour. And while he was relieved for the younger's return, Hyunwoo did have the regret lingering at the back of his mind. Since then he had been attentive of Hyungwon's wellbeing. Making sure he ate well and rest well. It was not just Hyungwon, it was all of the members. To the point where he sometimes forgot about his own wellbeing.

"Hyung," Hyungwon whined. He rarely did so and if he did, he was desperately trying to gain Hyunwoo's attention. "Why do you keep pushing food to me?"

Hyunwoo ignored him as he placed more meat on Hyungwon's plate. He added vegetables too, even Hyungwon's favourite shrimps. He was starting to look more like a mom than a dad. This was Kihyun's job. "Hyung." Hyungwon whined again.

"You should eat more." Hyunwoo replied sternly.

"But I'm already so full." Hyungwon retorted.

Hyunwoo sighed. "Hyungwon, the food came to us like five minutes ago. You only had ten bites of your rice. How are you already full?"

"I had ten _really_ big bites."

"It's not enough." Hyunwoo said. "You and I both know this."

"But my stomach thinks otherwise." Hyungwon said.

Hyunwoo sighed again. "At least try to finish the ones on your plate?" He was slightly happy that there were more food to spare for him but he was even more happy to see Hyungwon eating more than he usually did.

As a leader, they never told him what he needed to do in order to lead the group. But he - more or less - knew that taking care of his group members, ensuring that everyone was happy and healthy, was part of his job as the leader.

 

 

"Hyunwoo-ah,"

Hyunwoo blinked his eyes open. They just finished their concert in Hong Kong. This was the last stop. They were now heading back to their hotel room, ready to rest after another successful concert. The other members had already fallen asleep, lull by the van's gentle movement. Hyunwoo was feeling tired and sleepy too but had blinked awake at the call of his name. It must be important for Hoseok to call for him.

"What is it?" Hyunwoo asked, voice gruff and sore.

"Do you remember, the day before we debut and you asked me why they chose you as the leader?" Hoseok said.

Hyunwoo frowned. "Suddenly?"

Hoseok turned to look at him from his seat at the front. "I told you that I'll tell you their reason when you could see it for yourself, right?" Hyunwoo nodded his head. He recalled that particular conversation. "Can you see it now Hyunwoo?"

"I'm not sure I can." Hyunwoo said. Jooheon who was leaning against his shoulders stirred in his sleep. Hyunwoo looked down and smiled as he saw the younger sleeping soundly. He must be really tired as he didn't even budge when Hyunwoo thread his fingers in Jooheon's hair.

"Because you're you, Hyunwoo." Hoseok answered.

Hyunwoo's eyebrows furrowed deeper. "I don't think I understand."

"You always prioritize the group before yourself. You're selfless and yet you keep your ground. You're deeply rooted like a tree and your certainty is something the members' trust. It's their guide. It's how you lead us, in subtle ways, one I'm sure you never notice before. You're like a real dad. Gentle but stern."

Hyunwoo cocked an eyebrow at him. "I... don't think I get it."

Hoseok laughed, soft as to not wake up the others. "You don't have to. Just keep being you, Hyunwoo. You will lead us in your way, till the day we succeed and stand on the top. I'm glad you're our leader. Thank you," As an afterthought, he added. "Hyung." Hoseok giggled and turned back to the front.

Conversations with Hoseok was always somewhat weird. Hyunwoo guessed that the other male was most probably drunk in post-concert adrenaline. He hadn't been a good leader. Afterall, there was one thing that he failed to achieve yet.

 

 

"And the winner is,"

Hyunwoo could feel his heart thumping furiously in his chest. He didn't want to hope for it. He was scared because he knew, even if he only let a small thought of maybe - that maybe they would win - into his mind, he would regret it later on when they didn't. He stared at the screen calculating the numbers and then his eyes moved over to the pictures of their opponents. Maybe today wasn't their day.

"Congratulations, Monsta X!"

Hyunwoo's eyes widen, surprise written all over his face. Were confettis ever this colourful? Were the shouts and screams of fans ever this loud? Was the ringing in Hyunwoo's head just his alarm clock trying to wake him up from the dream? _Was_ he dreaming? Oh, they handed him the microphone. Funny, why was the microphone so cold today? Weird, his voice wouldn't come out. Was that... tears in his eyes?

 _Suck it up, Hyunwoo._ He thought to himself. He had done a terrible job at doing their winning speech and encore stage. He needed to suck it all up and do the interview. He was the leader. This was his job, not the other members.

Speaking of, Hyunwoo raised his head slightly from the camera and looked around. The members were scattered around backstage, crying so hard in different corners. He needed to gather them back up. He need them to stop crying, smile, be happy. They won.

He gathered up everyone in front of the elevator. Why in front of the elevator exactly? Hyunwoo didn't know but it was the quieter place and it was also isolated. He was the one who pulled them together. He was the one who initiated the group hug despite being the one who wasn't the most affectionate. He was the one who said it, the one who made the sobs and wails resounding again in MTV's studio.

"Guys, you did well."

 

  
Hyunwoo was merely a man. He wasn't special in anyway, didn't even think of himself as special. But the one thing that had made him special was being the leader of Monsta X. Leading the group was special. Being a part of it was more special. And if you asked Hyunwoo now if there was anything he feared, he would say he had one. It wasn't the fear of being a leader, because he knew he had done well. It wasn't the fear to succeed, because they're in the right path to success.

It was just one tiny little thing but it meant a lot to Hyunwoo. And it was the fear of losing his members.

He couldn't imagine himself as not being a member of Monsta X. Couldn't imagine how it felt like without Jooheon calling him dad; couldn't imagine the sting on his arm after getting bitten by Changkyun or the warmth pressing onto it when he soothe it. Couldn't find himself not there to calm down a nagging and pissed off Kihyun; not there to remind Minhyuk time to time again to behave well or to see Hyungwon snickering at them at his spot on the couch from the corner of his eyes. Couldn't imagine not having Hoseok as his ground when things got a little out of hand. Couldn't find himself as anything less than Shownu, the leader of Monsta X.

So he was Son Hyunwoo, the leader of a wonderful group. A group who were well-respected, humble and loved. And his priorities will always be Monsta X first, maybe Monbebe next, followed closely by his family. Somewhere along that lines there was him. And he was happy with that.

"Hyung," Hyunwoo looked up at the source of voice. In front of him Changkyun stood with a can of soda. He was pouting. "I can't open this." he said, showing the can of soda to Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo chuckled as he took the can from Changkyun's hand and popped it open. "What would you ever do without me, Changkyun-ah." he said, handing back the drink.

"I would die of thirst." Changkyun answered dramatically. "Thank you hyung, love you." he said, taking the soda can and shooting finger guns at him.

The drink almost spilt everywhere but Changkyun didn't seem to mind as he rush over to disturb his other hyungs. Hyunwoo's lips curled up into a smile as he looked at his members sprawled all over the waiting room. There was Jooheon practicing his rap furiously while his stylist scolded him because he was ruining his lip makeup. There was Minhyuk and Hyungwon at the corner playing mobile games. There was Hoseok who was passed out on the couch and there was Changkyun, cackling along with Kihyun who was taking funny pictures of the sleeping prey. Hyunwoo couldn't help but feel a wave of warmth and affection hitting him.

Maybe he didn't care for himself as much. Maybe people were right when they said he was selfless. But people didn't know how selfish he could get for his team. For Hyunwoo, leading the team was as much care as he could give to himself. And to him, losing his team was his biggest fear. So with all his power, he would make them stay, for as long as they stuck around. For without his team, there was no Shownu; and if there was no Shownu, there would never be the Monsta X of today.


End file.
